


The Rest Will Follow

by mystery_deer



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, M/M, holt has bad memories but they're kind of ok now, kevin is not a major character it's mostly holt and his mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 08:25:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18807412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystery_deer/pseuds/mystery_deer
Summary: Raymond Holt thinks back to his childhood and how far he's come





	The Rest Will Follow

“You talk weird.”  
Raymond looked up from the book he was reading to look into the heartless eyes of Cindy Mcdoogal, ruler of the 6th grade. She stood over his desk with a smile that would have sent chills down his spine, had that been a real thing that could happen.

“That is not proper grammar.” He shot back, showcasing his own ruthlessness. Her smile remained fixed on her face as she began braiding her hair idly.   
“Whatever, are you like, a dictionary or something? You’re so annoying you know that?” He had not known that.  
It was upsetting to hear. 

“You are a liar Cindy Mcdoogal.” He said, gripping the edges of his book. “And you do not speak well.” 

The week after that he felt as if he was seeing the world anew. Every time he raised his hand he saw people roll their eyes, heard them stifle laughter. When it came time to give presentations there would be a mood shift, as if the air itself was groaning with dismay. When he got partnered up with someone he realized that they weren’t listening to him at all and, in one instance, giving a pained look to their friend across the room. His heart sank.  
The week after that he stopped talking.   
And so his mother was called.

“Raymond, what’s this I hear about you not participating during school hours? Education is a very important part of a child’s growth. You wish to grow do you not?” He flinched at the disappointment and worry in his mother’s words. It made him feel worse than before, he wanted to be alone where he wouldn’t bother anyone else. He shrugged. His mother raised an eyebrow.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Please tell me the truth.” Raymond’s mouth opened in surprise and his mother’s eyes twinkled despite the situation. “A mother knows. Now, has something been bothering you?”

“....” He played with his sock and kept his gaze on the ground. “Do you think I am annoying?”

His mother looked taken aback at this question and then immediately saddened for her son, who still hadn’t glanced up.   
“Oh Raymond….” She wrapped him in a hug and he accepted it without raising his own arms to reciprocate. “Never. You could never annoy me.” He felt his heart warm and took in the feeling of his mother’s embrace, closing his eyes. “Where would you get such an idea?”

“Some of my classmates have...I feel that I am annoying them. But I am doing nothing but being myself. I have taken efforts to be less annoying but that has just worsened the situation.”   
He thought about math class that morning, being called on for the answer and just staring down at his notebook where he’d been doodling icosahedrons in the margin. The teacher had asked him three times to answer and the room was full of...tension. Until one boy exclaimed “Finally!” and the class burst into nervous giggles. He was asked to leave the room and the teacher pulled Raymond aside afterward to apologize and ask if he was alright but he hadn’t spoken, instead listing all the digits of pi he could. 

“Raymond, you are a wonderful child and I am proud of you. I love you with everything I have.” He didn’t look up. “I know that doesn’t help you with your current situation, I also suffered cruelty at the hands of my peers.”   
“...You did?”

“Yes.” He met her gaze, confused. His mother was the smartest, strongest, most beautiful woman he’d ever met. He couldn’t imagine her ever being afraid of anybody. “I was never well liked. Throughout my schooling, I was often harassed and taunted for being who I was and told I would never amount to anything.”  
Raymond frowned and his mother began rubbing gentle circles on his back. He let himself relax into the pleasant repetition.   
“I felt hurt and ashamed, I tried to do whatever was expected of me, but what was expected of me was not me. I remember I came home one day to my mother who told me what I’m going to tell you now. You just keep on being you and the rest will follow.” She took a moment to pause and Raymond felt her stomach rise and fall with a heavy sigh. He looked up at her and she returned the gaze, her blank expression turning sad for a moment before molding back into the triumphant stare he was familiar with.

“So I kept on going, with my head held high. It didn’t stop them from harassing me but I got my education and now look at me. I’m among so many people who understand and love me for who I am, and all those who looked down on me I have risen far above.” She gently set him down onto his own two feet and smiled. “You can’t please everyone, Raymond. So you might as well try to make yourself happy.” She stood and stretched, grunting softly at the effort. “Do the things you love and the rest will follow.”

_________________

Raymond brushed his teeth as Kevin, in the adjoining room, spoke with barely concealed excitement about the events of the heist that day.

“And I doubted you of course, any sane man would but it was exhilarating! The betrayals, the reveals, the abundance of tasers it was enough to make you woozy.”

“Yes, quite.” He rinsed his mouth out and went to join Kevin who was sitting on the ottoman and petting Cheddar. “Who would have known that Cheddar had it in him to be such a back-stabbing whore? Can I trust none of the men in my life?” Kevin and Cheddar shared a look and Raymond gave them a kiss and a tender pat respectively.   
“Next year we should all participate, as a family.”  
“I am certain that’s against the rules.” Raymond said, placing Cheddar outside the bedroom in order for him to go to bed himself. He closed the door and met Kevin in bed, turning out the light. “Let’s do it.”

As he listened, a few minutes later, to his husband’s gentle breathing he recalled a him that thought he would never have this. A him that was small and felt it with every fiber of his being. A him that thought his being could only be viewed as annoying, strange, undesirable.  
He thought of the day, about his colleagues of six years...his friends. His dumb, wild, out of control friends who would threaten to murder him over a rusty medical bracelet. And to whom he’d do the same. 

With that thought in his head and a smile on his face, he made an exception for the moment and took hold of Kevin’s hand. It was as warm and familiar as his own and he let himself drift off to sleep with every part of him buzzing with love.


End file.
